Demanding empathy

On Wednesday, I shared some thoughts on accepting the recent election and ways to work toward positive change. Here’s a summary:

The wealth gap in our country is unsustainable. Many people feel their parents had better futures than they do, and often vote based on their gut feelings about the economy rather than closely following politics. If you’re a woman, person of color, LGBTQ+, immigrant, or feel threatened by certain political messaging, it’s understandable to feel that way. For some voters, economic issues were a primary focus. They simply weren't thinking about other people's basic rights, it was just about the price of eggs to them.

This reality can be disappointing, but recognizing that some people prioritize different concerns can make it easier to understand. Instead of letting sadness linger, channel that energy into supporting causes that matter to you. I still stand by this approach as a constructive way forward.

Since posting that, I’ve been reflecting on tolerance and forgiveness. While I believe many voters focused on economic issues, it’s also clear that some were influenced by hateful messaging. Republicans spent over $215 million on anti-trans ads, which likely played a role in turnout. Hate can be an effective motivator. Ultimately Love is stronger, but it can be so very very hard.

So, how do we engage with voters who were motivated by hateful rhetoric? Some may support a vision of America that marginalizes those who are different. They might see themselves as part of a cultural battle and actively respond to that call.

On one hand, practicing acceptance is essential, but when someone lacks tolerance themselves, how should we respond? Jesus taught to turn the other cheek, but damn I'm running out of cheeks I want smacked! 

Game theory, particularly the Prisoner’s Dilemma, offers insights. Always start cooperatively, but matching behavior when trust is broken, has proven effective. There need to be consequences for repeated harmful behavior to promote change. The tit-for-tat strategy works.

What does this mean for interactions with a Trump supporter in your life? Have calm, respectful conversations—paraphrasing their points in a positive light, asking questions instead of accusing. For example: “I agree that costs are high, and I also worry about my daughter’s access to healthcare in certain states. Is that a concern you can understand?” If they dismiss these issues, stay calm and share your perspective: “I get that we don’t know the future, but my worries about rights are as real as your economic fears. No?”

If empathy doesn’t develop, consider setting boundaries: “I’ve tried to understand you, but I don’t feel the same respect in return. I care about you, but I can’t keep engaging when you hand wave away my concerns over human rights. I’ll be here if you’re open to a deeper conversation. Until then, I won't be _____” where the blank is whatever time you may have spent with this person who it now hurts to be around.

In the future, you may have opportunities to share real-life examples of how policies affect basic rights. Calmly sending this information is important, as it’s often missing from certain media sources. Try hard to always be open minded. You can't claim the moral high ground and win an argument. Always look for what you can understand and accept in someone else's world view, but at the end of the day - yeah if you're being an asshole to me and mine? No cookies for you.